SETTING: Interior office. Gold records and guitars are hanging on the walls. Two men in well-tailored suits are sitting around the desk in the office. There is a fireplace burning on one wall.
EXECUTIVE ONE: (reading a magazine) I say, old sport, I happened a glance at my e-mail the other day, and I had an absolute bundle of e-mails from qualified people that we should hire.
EXECUTIVE TWO: What did you do about it?
EXECUTIVE ONE: I deleted them all, and gave a job to my son. (LAUGHS MANICALLY)
EXECUTIVE TWO: I love the sound and lighting industry! (LAUGHS MANICALLY)
A young, dark curly-haired APPLICANT enters with a stack of papers.
APPLICANT: Hi, there!
EXECUTIVE ONE: (SURLY) What do you want, you worthless cockroach?
APPLICANT: Well, I wanted to give you my resume. I’m qualified for a job here, you see, and I’d be willing to work my way up through the ranks.
EXECUTIVE TWO: How did you even get in here? The receptionist is trained to drop anybody who comes looking for a job into the crocodile pit.
APPLICANT: I have amazing reflexes.
EXECUTIVE TWO: No matter. I have an MP5 here somewhere. (LOOKS AROUND)
APPLICANT: I tried to call…
EXECUTIVE TWO: We know. We hire a guy to go through and screen any calls from people who want to work for us. Then he hangs up on them and sends assassins to their house.
APPLICANT: Well, that explains that. I also sent a few e-mails…
EXECUTIVE TWO: We know that, too. We have filters that deletes e-mail from people who don’t want to rent thousands of dollars of gear. We call it the Cruel Bastard Filter. Works great.
EXECUTIVE ONE: (SUDDENLY FRIENDLY) Well, we’d be happy to look at your resume. Just leave it there on the desk.
APPLICANT: Thank you! (LEAVES)
(EXECUTIVE ONE Grabs resume off desk, crumples it into a ball, then walks through the open door behind him. Moments later the sound of a flushing toilet can be heard. He returns and sits down.)
EXECUTIVE ONE: It’s a tad bit chilly in here, sport. Would you mind?
EXECUTIVE TWO: Not at all.
(EXECUTIVE TWO reaches into a drawer and produces a huge stack of $100 bills, and proceeds to throw these on the fire.)
EXECUTIVE TWO: Better?
EXECUTIVE ONE: Much! (Pours himself a glass of bourbon, sips)
THE END
Exit, stage left.
Sparks