The Long Fall

When I was nine, I was climbing a tree at a friend’s house. It was a tree I had climbed many times before, and I often tried to see how high I could get before the branches got too skinny for comfort. It was a medium-sized maple tree, with lots of good branches extending out, low enough to the ground for a wee lad such as myself to grasp onto. I rarely fell when climbing trees, I was much more likely to accidentally fall into a body of water than fall out of a tree. I always tested the branches carefully before stepping onto them, but this time I didn’t test thoroughly enough. Snap.

The fall knocked the wind out of me, and most of the shock of the fall was absorbed by my right arm. It wasn’t broken, but it hurt like hell. And that day, I learned an important lesson: not every branch that looks like it will support your weight will.

There are few life lessons that don’t come with pain. Physical and emotional. The stakes can be higher than we can imagine.

I managed to end a close friendship this week. The fault was entirely mine, I was terribly careless. I never knew I could be the person I saw. I had no idea the pain of that would bring. It’s breathtaking in its intensity; crushing and swift, like the feeling of having the wind knocked out of you. It’s more painful than anything I have ever experienced. I ended up sleeping for two days straight, leaving my room only to go to the bathroom.

Who it was and what happened isn’t important. We both agreed we’d never speak of it again. I always knew friendship was fragile, but I never knew I’d have the stupidity required to end one like this. We all do stupid things in our lives; perhaps it was inevitable that someday I’d do something stupid enough to break a relationship asunder. Is that part of growing up? Does everyone do this at some point?

I don’t really have much more to say. I finally wrote this person expressing my regret, but neither do I feel that our friendship can ever be successfully repaired. I have no solutions for this, no fixes. Some pain must simply be endured. Where’s the Ctrl+Z for life?

Some days are bad. Here’s to better times.

Exit, stage left.
Sparks