People are stupid. What is in people that makes them go against what they know is right; what they know is the right course of action? The temporary thrill of committing some forbidden act? The feeling of sated relief from the pressure of raging hormones? Does the advice given countless times by those older and wiser ever ever enter their minds? Do they regret what they have done when the torrent of emotion caused by a virtual flood of behavior-modifying neurochemcials subsides with shocking quickness?

Last week, under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol, Brian and Shara (A girl with whom I shared mutual feelings of amorousness) had sex. They had been LANing at Aaron's house, and for reasons beyond my comprehension, decided to have "some drinks". Not have much experience with (or tolerance for) vodka, Shara and Kamper both became quickly inebriated. Brian apparently proposed an oil massage, which Shara didn't have the sense to say "no" to, and the night's activities progressed from there. They were in the basement alone, so nobody found them until it was too late. When Aaron found them in the morning, he took Shara out out to breakfast and explained what had happened, and gave her a "morning after" pill. I arrived later that morning to thinly-veiled innuendo being tossed around, and after seeing a rather prominent hickey on Brian's neck, I developed a very strong suspicion as to what had transpired. Aaron took me for a walk around the block a few minutes after I arrived and confirmed what I had already guessed, and filled in a few details. I didn't particularly want to stick around, so I grabbed my computer and left.

I was upset. (This is a bit of an understatement - I left a fist-shaped dent in my bedroom wall.) Just the night before, I had warned them about bringing out alcohol. Warned them. But they did they listen to me? No. Like a child who wants to touch the pretty flames, they reached into the fireplace with reckless abandon. I was upset with Brian and Shara both, for doing something they knew was stupid. Kamper took Shara's virginity, something she's now without forever. Shara acted like a fool, getting completed wasted on vodka, knowing she couldn't handle it. (Getting wasted on alcohol is foolish in general, but that's irrelevant.) Worse than their drunken acts of stupidity, though, is the way they handled the situation. The both of them and Jeremiah (Friend of Aaron's, proponent of personal irresponsibility.) immediately "sided" against Aaron, saying that as the only sober one, it had been his responsibility to stop them. (He (Aaron) also gave Cassie several "hickies" on her chest, which angered them further.)

And I was trying to hard to stay out of teenage drama.

In retrospect, I'm glad this happened now, rather than later. While a trying experience, it's allowed me to see Shara's true character (or lack thereof) before I become emotionally attached to her. Under duress, she handled herself with a maturity level more befitting a seven-year-old than a seventeen-year-old "Christian" young woman. Not only does she place most of the blame for what she and Brian did on Aaron's shoulder, but she's of the opinion that I've sided "with Aaron" against her because of my beliefs regarding personal accountability - that people are responsible for their own actions, and that blindly expecting someone else to break your fall is the epitome of shortsighted and foolish behavior. This largely unpopular opinion has not helped to endear me to the group, most of whom are so eager to point the Guilty Finger at one another that they seem to have forgotten their own mistakes.

Who is responsible in a situation like this? To whom does accountability fall when everybody has FUBARed? Personal accountability is a double-edged sword - it goes both ways. Shara would say that she trusted Aaron not to let her and Brian get drunk and have sex. Is this a valid argument?

People are rational, thinking individuals, free to make their own choices. Responsibility is about control. No person can be made to be held accountable for something that was beyond their ability or authority to influence. (The subject of the absolute truth of whether or not one actually could or could not control events is beyond the scope of this entry.) It is impossible to control people completely. No person, short of brainwashing, drugs, or freaky technology can have complete control over another. Free will is a fundamental part of human nature - a fundamental part of our existence. We are free to make our own decisions, but therein lies the opposite side of the equation: consequences. Consequences for poor choices are also a part of free will. Take, for instance, a child who misbehaves. Parents have responsibility for their children (legally), however, despite what some parents would like to think, they are never totally in control. When a child misbehaves, his or hers parents are partially responsible, because they were in charge of the kid. The child, however, has free will, and hence some control. (Though in the case of a child, it may be limited) Responsibility is therefore shared. Shara expected Aaron to keep her and Brian from doing anything stupid, so she drank herself into a stupor. This is why Shara and Brian are both responsible for what happened: they both had control over their choice to drink. Nobody pried open their mouths and poured vodka down their throats. They not only set into motion what would eventually lead to their already shaky morals going down the drain, but they did so willingly and with full knowledge of what they were ingesting. "But Sparky!" somebody whined. "Shara didn't realize how powerful what she was drinking was!" Bullshit. I know for a face that she's been drunk before, but that's irrelevant. Any police officer will tell you that ignorance of the law isn't an excuse if you get caught committing an act that you didn't know was a crime. No rational person would pick up a bottle of something unidentified from around the house and start drinking it. What if is was poison, and the person died. Would it the poison's fault? No, it would be the person's fault for not checking.

*Star Trek Analogy* EMH Mark I: (aghast) You hit the wrong ship!

EMH Mark II: It wasn't my fault!

Mark I: Well, who's fault was it, the torpedo's? You're supposed to tell it what to do?

Ergo, even if she didn't know, (which she did) it was her responsibility to find out. Everyone messed up that night. Aaron was sober, and according to one of (several) versions of events, agreed to ensure that the drinking didn't get out of hand. Even if he did, it doesn't release the other from their responsibility. People are responsible for their own actions.

"Who can find a virtuous woman?" Are they no females that place a higher priority on serving God and remaining sexually pure than on partying and having a "good time" According to a statistics handbook at DMACC, 26% of females have lost their virginity by age fifteen, and 51% percent by age seventeen. I've also been told several times that it's unrealistic to expect any woman I date to have that much moral conviction.

I hadn't yet invested much emotion in Shara. In fact, I had been doing some serious thinking all week, and had decided, given my age and experience, that I was too immature for a male/female relationship. See how the gods toy with me?

I don't hate Shara or Brian; everybody makes mistakes. Brian even said that had he gotten Shara pregnant, he would have confessed to her parents that the child was his, and raised it. I'd believe it when I saw it, but I suppose that the thought counts for something. Deed and intent, though, and two very different things.

Just ask Shara.

Does it matter anymore? Not really - at present, I just feel the need to rant. The frustration gets to one after a while. ---- This is from my physical, leather, deep dark secrets journal, from April 4th 2004.

Wow, my writing style has changed a little bit - and I think I'm a good deal more cynical than I was back then. Pardon the histrionics - and yes, that fist-shaped dent is still there.

[edit: This wasn't f-locked? Dang.]