When I was a little kid, I had a few fears.

Don't we all? What child doesn't fear thunderstorms, or dogs, or heights, or strangers, or getting shots, or having to eat broccoli? Fear is a part of us from childhood. As a child, I hated big dogs. Actually, pretty much any dog, unless it was a little puppy. I remember standing paralyzed for what had to be five minutes in the cold air one February when I was delivering papers. I was probably about twelve at the time. I was walking down the street and out of nowhere this medium-sized mutt comes running full-bore at me, barking and snarling. I knew I couldn't outrun it, so I just froze there, totally petrified while this dog just walked around me and barked. It never touched me, but I couldn't bring myself to much as move an inch. The only thing I could do was stand there with the weight of my newspaper bag cutting into my shoulder, my breath crystallizing in the cold air. I was wondering how long I was going to have to stand there freezing when the dog's owner finally came out and called it off. "Oh, she's really friendly." he said. "She won't hurt you."

I looked at him like he was the most stupid man alive. This dog just spent the last five minutes barking at me, and she was friendly? This incident only served to further my fear of man's best friend, and caused me to once hurl a rock straight between the eyes of a smaller dog who got off it's leash and started running for me. My mother, who was with me at the time, was furious with me, but I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want me to defend myself. I mean, I knew it was going to bite me. Years later, I know now that yes, there are dogs who attack people, but Cujo is probably found only rarely. But as we grow older, our fears just mature with us. Here is a list of fears that I struggle with.

I am afraid that people won't like me.

I am afraid that I don't act mature enough.

I am afraid that I'm not a good sound or lighting guy.

I fear that I'll never find anyone to love.

I'm afraid that my dreams are unrealistic.

I'm afraid that people will think I'm incompetent.

I worry about how I'm going to pay my bills.

I'm afraid my weirdness will push people away.

I'm afraid that people will think I'm not smart.

Sometimes, I even fear that my faith is just a big hoax.

Now, I don't sit around all day, thinking "Oh dear me, what if I suck at mixing?". These are just things that pop into my mind on occasion. I can be behind a sound board, thinking "Man, it sounds great in here." and then an hour afterwards I'll be sitting in my car mentally reviewing whatever it was I was mixing and suddenly I'll think "Man...the keys could have been a little louder on that one verse." and suddenly I'm second-guessing the entire event. I know in my head that it sounded fine, and maybe it even sounded great, but sometimes that nagging voice in the back of my head just won't go away. "The audience wasn't really into it...if it would have sounded better they might have been singing along more...". That sort of thing.

But you know what? We are all fragile, and we all fear sometimes.

Every single one of us. We all have some amount of insecurity in us - some more than others. I don't think there's a single person on the planet who feels perfectly confident, all the time. And really, when you come down to it, confidence means plunging ahead despite your insecurities. (Or is that courage?) Either way, mastering fear means not letting it control you.

So I'm curious...what are some of your fears? What things keep you up at night? IP logging is off, post anonymously if you'd like, but take a moment to leave a comment telling the rest of us about some of the things that cause you anxiety.

Exit, stage left. Sparks