They like me at Point of Grace.

Really. I get comments from Tom and Jeff nearly every week about how I'm doing a great job, most of the technicians under me like me and seem to think I'm going a good job at leading them. Every week the production gets more polished and smooth, and we come up with new ways to make it work better. I enjoy most of my co-workers, (The verdict is still out on Tim and I) and we generally have a lot of fun.

Oh, and that picture on the wall - the one captioned "The Awesomest Most Knowledgeable Sound Guy In The World, Ever"? Nevermind that. That guy doesn't work here anymore.

Ever move I make, every cue I program, every light I aim, every fader I push and even every management decision I make, I feel like I'm being measured. And this does not leave much room for error, as one might imagine. (About the only room for error comes in the area of personnel management - Chris sucked at recruiting.) I feel like I'm being watched for any break in confidence or skill, and then they'll jump from the shadows brandishing their cell phones and gravely asking "Should we call Chris?"

I'm going to tell you a little story about lights. ETC Zoom fixtures, to be precise.

I was asked to light an event at Point of Grace...a Daddy / Daughter dance event that was to be held in the atrium, a room of about 1,000 square feet. The lady who wanted it done approached me on a Saturday night and told me of her desire to see the entire room's ceiling shimmer as though it were underwater. Underwater. The whole ceiling. I admitted to her that I had never devised such a special effect before.

"Do we need to call Chris?" she offered helpfully.

"No."

My eyes narrowed. We never actually need to call Chris, calling him is just a handy substitute for creativity. "I'll think up something." I had a few weeks to create this effect, so I got to work. I found inspiration in the ceiling of the Urbandale pool...which always shimmers due to the reflection in the water. Long story short, on the night of the dance there were two tree stands set up at each side of the atrium with two ETC zoom fixtures each gelled with Rosco #73 (A watery blue) and pointing at a clear bowl filled with water on top of a circular mirror. A fan blew across the top of the water to complete the effect: the light went through the water, hit the mirrors, and reflected back towards the ceiling...creating the effect of shimmering water on the ceiling.

It worked beautifully. Like, really beautifully. Like oooh-ahhh-that's-really-pretty-I-as-people-were-walking-in beautifully. And do you suppose I got any compliments on my masterpiece of low-cost special effects lighting? Oh yes.

"Wow, that looks great. Chris did a nice job."

Or Tim's confidence-building quip: "That looks really good. Chris think that up?"

I about lost it with that last comment. I screamed "I did! at Tim, because, frankly, it's really sickening to work on something for a week, have it turn out great, and then people give credit to someone else. And before you say "They weren't insulting you, they were complimenting Chris.", let me remind you that he had already left as the technical director. He had been gone for a month.

And that's just one story. "Do we need to call Chris?" is a common refrain around Point of Grace. I'm tired of people assuming that he's the only person who can make stuff happen, and I'm tired of being ignored when I can't live up to his legendary legacy. Give me time, and I will think up something. If I need help, I'll ask for it. Don't ask me if I need my mentor's help five minutes into the project.

Oh, and the best part? Chris thought the water and mirror thing was a stupid idea.